I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
