Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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