OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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