lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
