I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
