So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
