walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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