I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
