Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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