dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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