she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
