I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
