Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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