I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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