Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
