I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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