Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
