apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
