I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
