Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
