i just had sex bonerless
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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