It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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