Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
