I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I want her autograph on my taint
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
