That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
