my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
