She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
