Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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