If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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