haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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