i can't believe i had my finger in that
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
