Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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