I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
