Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
