Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
