By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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