fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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