JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize