I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
