I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
