Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize