did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
did i walk over a car last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
