Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
