return my video game
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
