i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
