Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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