Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
