I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
