Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
