I accidentally had phone sex last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
