Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When did angry sex become our thing?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
