On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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