my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize