I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
