4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
