Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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