Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
