I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
