Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
