Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
