I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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