I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Found your dick twin last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
