I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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