Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
