Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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