Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize