New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize