I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
