If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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