Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
