As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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