i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize