I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
