My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please, let me fuck your mom
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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