I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will pee on everything he values.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
