I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
