There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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