can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
